The Marriage Advice I’ll Never Forget

It wasn’t your typical marriage advice, but maybe that’s why it has stuck in my head. This advice was simple, and it was actionable. It was something I could put into advice on my wedding day and so many days after that. I don’t remember who gave it to me, but it has impacted my life in a such a dramatic way that I now share it when I write out a wedding card.

Fall asleep touching your spouse. 

That’s it. Five words. Five words that have changed my life.

There is an abundance of great advice that we can all learn from. Chances are, we know couples who have stayed married despite the hardships. We would certainly be wise to listen to their stories, to learn from them.

So what is it about those five words that have changed my life?

1. Touch builds confidence with your spouse 

Chances are that there was some level of physical touch before you got married. You learned to appreciate the feel of your love’s touch. You learned together when the other needed a gentle reassurance of your hand on their arm. You discovered how your hands fit together as you walked together holding hands. These gentle interactions built confidence in your relationship.

The same confidence-building needs to continue in marriage. Just as we work to listen, to forgive, so we need to keep building our spouse’s confidence in us. Having the gentle reassurance of your spouse’s touch while you fall asleep can build that confidence, even overnight.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2

2. Touch reminds us that we are not alone  

Yes, this is pretty obvious, but transitioning to being a married couple can be difficult. Each of us has our own way of doing things – whether it’s paying a bill, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the house. In the midst of a difficult moment, it’s so easy to retreat back to our own way of doing things. Learning to live as a couple takes effort.

I remember an evening when my husband and I had disagreed about something. Instead of trying to work together, we immediately fell back on our own ways. I was in the kitchen washing up a few dishes when he quietly walked in and just put his hand on my shoulder. It didn’t immediately solve the problem, but it did remind me that I was not alone.

Learning to respond with gentle touch, even as we fall asleep, reminds us that we are not alone.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
Ecclesiastes 4:11a

3. Touch eases pain and conveys love

We all face those days when nothing goes right, no matter how hard we try. Maybe we missed the alarm clock, or spilled coffee and had a mess to clean up. Perhaps your boss was not pleased with your work on a recent project, or traffic kept you from getting home on time. Those are frustrating days and they bring us pain.

How comforting it can be to reconnect with our spouse after a tough day. We long for a warm embrace, a quiet conversation, gentle consolation from the person who knows us best. Sometimes the most comfort comes from simply from laying in bed next to my husband after a long day. No words are needed, I can just rest with him because we have the foundation of confidence with each other, and we know we are not alone.

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Philippians 4:5

Fall asleep touching your spouse. 

Those five small words have had a tremendous impact on my marriage. Sometimes we fall asleep holding hands, other times it’s simply our feet that end up side by side in the night. After 18 years of marriage, this is one piece of marriage advice that we still practice!

What is some of your favorite marriage advice? 

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