Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair

Are you ready to rebuild your marriage after an affair? If so, there is hope. The severity of the wound an extramarital affair leaves behind is one that will require a lot of trust and faith in God to fix. The good news is that if you are committed, you can rebuild and restore your marriage after an affair. 

Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair

Rebuilding your marriage after an affair starts with coming completely clean about what has happened. With everything poured out on the table, true healing can take place. Yes, an affair can shatter trust like a dropped glass, but it is in this moment of truth that both spouses can begin to rebuild trust together. 

Another important step to take early on is to decide that you want your marriage to work and will do what it takes to see that it does. There are times when a couple who experiences infidelity do not fully heal due to the hesitation of believing that true healing is possible. Below are four tips for healing your marriage after an affair.

Remind Yourself of God’s Promises

Upon finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful, it is understandable how everything in your life instantly becomes questionable – even the promises of God. This is why it’s vital to return to His Word before more issues attempt to sprout. 

Scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 and Proverbs 3:5-6 are great starting points and reminders that the plans God has for you (and your marriage) are in His hands. These plans include prosperity, hope, and a future. Believing this also means believing in the power of His promises. Activated by faith, it becomes a powerful tool to know that He can and will bring His plans for you (and your marriage) to pass!

Develop Successful Coping Strategies Early On

Although you will most likely learn more about these in counseling, it is still wise to seek out what Scripture says about dealing with trials and tribulations. The truth of the matter is that life will continue to go on even in the midst of your situation. Your new normal will be met with new opportunities of perseverance. 

It may be tempting to speak harshly to your spouse, unknowingly mistreat them with your actions, or consciously try to get back at them in some way. Of course none of these are healthy nor will they help the situation. Keep the following Scriptures in mind during your time of healing:

• Romans 12:12 – “rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing steadfastly in prayer.”
• John 16:33 – “… in the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.”
• Proverbs 15:4 – “A gentle tongue is a tree of life…”
• Psalm 141:3 – “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”
• Psalm 18:2 – “The Lord is my rock, I take refuge in Him; my shield and the horn of my deliverance, my high tower.”

There are many more verses that could be listed, but the point is to set a guard over your reactions during this time. Keeping God’s Word at the forefront of your mind will help.

Learn to Trust Again

As mentioned early on, trust in anyone and anything can fly out of the window the moment you learn that your spouse has had an affair – and rightfully so. However, the quicker you can decide to allow yourself to trust again – especially God – the quicker you can begin healing.

Deepening your trust in God can help with learning to trust in your marriage again. You will have to consciously choose to trust God with what is going on in your marriage, and trust that He is doing a work in your spouse at the same time. It may not look like it at the moment, but He works in mysterious ways.

Pray for your trust to be reignited through how God sees your spouse. Pray for Him to protect your spouse against anything that would cause further trust issues. And lastly, pray for a rekindled fire in your marriage through this situation. Use the following Scriptures as you learn to trust again:

• Psalm 28:7 – “The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”
• Romans 8:28 – “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.”
• Psalm 62:8 – “Trust in him at all times, oh people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”
• 1 John 5:14 – “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.”
• Isaiah 26:4 – “Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.”

Get Outside Counseling

We saved this one for last because in most cases, this is one of the first things couples will do. However, there are also circumstances where some do not. There is wisdom in seeking out wise counsel, as mentioned in Proverbs 11:14 – “Without guidance the people fall, but in a great counselor there is safety.” 

A counselor has the ability to see a situation from the outside in, as well as come from an unbiased perspective. Their ultimate motive is to draw out what has caused the issue and help offer mediation to resolve issues with steps of healing. Opting out of counseling can be dangerous, especially depending on the severity of the affair.

Keep the following Scriptures in mind as you prayerfully consider and seek out wise counsel:

• James 5:16 – “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you are healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous one accomplishes much.”
• 1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Do not be led astray. Evil company corrupts good habits.”
• Proverbs 19:20 – “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, so that you are wise in your latter end.”
• Hebrew 3:13 – “… but encourage one another daily, while it is called “today,” lest any of you be hardened by the deceivableness of sin.”

Although most statistics point toward more marriages ending rather than staying together, there is hope to be found in 75% of couples who do stay together after having experienced infidelity (as reported by Divorce magazine). Remember that rebuilding your marriage starts with a choice to do whatever you can to save your marriage, prayer, and faith.

Your turn: What kind of advice do you have for Christian couples who have experienced infidelity? Let us know in the comments below!

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