“You’re STILL not finished with your math?!”
“How do you not know which continent America is in?!”
“Do you know how lucky you are to be home-schooled?!”
“That’s it, I give up, you’re going to public school!!!”
Okay mommas, how many of you can admit to saying at least one of the above phrases (in my case, all of the above phrases and more)? Let’s face it, not only is being a SAHM already difficult in and of itself, but then we add HOME-SCHOOLING to the mix! Our job is already thankless, unappreciated, and of course we do not get paid for this either, and yet we choose to do this… because??
I have to confess, I have yelled with the scariest of voices (and faces to match), threatened, flipped out, stormed upstairs and scribbled angrily on assignments I was correcting, because I could not believe they actually got the answer wrong over and over, and yes, you guessed it, OVER AGAIN!! Oh how I sometimes miss my well-paying, awesome benefits, lots of paid days off, and did I mention awesome Christmas bonuses JOB.
It baffles me that when people find out I choose to home-school my kids, I always get “Wow, you are super mom!” Or, “You must be so patient.” Although these very well-intentioned people mean well and are basically feeding my ego, I can’t help but sometimes want to scream at them, that I am not any of those, not even close! I do strive and try really hard to be those things, but I fail miserably every single day. I often question God, “Why did you call me to be their mother AND to homeschool them? I am doing more harm than good, Lord.”
I nag my son. I constantly find myself lecturing him about something he did wrong. I get upset with my oldest daughter if she does not clean something right. I snap at her sometimes when she is being overly sensitive (in my opinion) about an issue. I have to intentionally remind myself to hug my children, because I have a tendency to not be an affectionate person. This all sounds so bad seeing it here on this blank page, and it is bad. I admit, I want to be better. However, I know that there is at least one other momma reading this, that needs a sister in Christ to be real and raw about some of the struggles she faces when walking with the Lord while trying to be the wife, mother, teacher, friend, and daughter she is called to be.
Just know, dear sister, you are not alone in those moments where you just want to run away from it all, screaming and crying and feeling like giving up. I have been there. In fact, I am there almost daily. I know that makes me sound like somebody who should maybe rethink whether or not I should be home with my kids all day. I know, maybe this might be too transparent for some, and some may judge me. I am fine with any of these conclusions one might have about me, because of this:
“The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.” –Proverbs 4:18
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” –Lamentations 3:22-23
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” — II Corinthians 5:17
Here is what I know and what I am sure of. I am definitely not who I want to be yet. I am not where I want to be BUT I am moving forward with my eyes set on CHRIST. I repent often to the Lord, to my husband. and to my children. With the help of the Holy Spirit I am getting better and I am able to practice self-control more often than what I used to. This light that I have inside of me may not be shining as bright as it could shine, or even as bright as I want it to shine, but it IS shining and it IS getting brighter everyday, because of Christ in me.
Ladies, we must remember in the trying times of life, that we are more than conquerors through Christ! We were made for this. We must stand upon HIS Word and even if we find it hard to believe or receive at times, we must grab hold of the Word, BY FAITH and keep on repeating it and reading it, until we do believe it. Also, seek GODLY counsel. What this means is DO NOT seek the advice of those friends or family members who are not Bible-believing, daily-life living Christians. Be sure to call, text, or email a godly FEMALE friend for sound wisdom. There is enough worldly and selfish “advice” everywhere we turn, so we MUST guard our hearts and our faith and be wise when confiding in others.
Lastly, don’t forget to sing. Sing loud and lift those hands and worship our Father in spirit and in truth. Even if you “can’t” sing, sing anyway. Be sure to worship Him everyday. Worship Him, for no matter what, He is still great and greatly to be praised and our children will turn out to be amazing because of Him and because of the call placed upon our lives to be first and foremost, their mother, called and appointed by God Himself.