A Tale of Two Marriages: 4 Reasons Why a Wife Should Speak Well of Her Husband

Two husbands.

Both love their wives and their families. Both work hard to provide. Both have dreams, goals, and interests. Both have sincere intentions. Both have shortcomings.

Two wives.

One takes care to speak highly of her husband to her friends, children, and neighbors. She highlights all he does for her and their family, along with every good thing she sees in him. She’s thankful for him and quick to let others know it. A word of praise is always on her tongue.

The other is given to complaining about her husband. She doesn’t mind airing his shortcomings in exchange for the sympathy from her listeners. She feels entitled to her dissatisfaction, and gets her satisfaction from sharing it with her friends or neighbors, including, at times, their own children.

• Which woman is a treasure to her husband?
• Which husband feels more respected over time?
• Which marriage is likely to thrive?
• Which husband will be more motivated to be the best he can be?
• Which wife is happier?

And there you have the simple tale of two very different marriages.

Notice, the only thing different in the scenario above is the words of the wife to others (not to her husband directly). Yet what a difference it surely makes!

Our words carry catastrophic weight in our marriages. Even those words that aren’t heard by our spouse at all. Why is that?

4 Reasons Wives Should Speak Highly of Their Husbands

1. Our Words Will Influence Our Hearts

I know from personal experience that the more I complain about something, the more mired I get in it’s yuckiness. Things become a bigger and bigger “issue” in my own mind as I dwell on and revisit them.

We must take control of our thoughts and “let it go.” Taking control of our thoughts starts by taking control of our words.

Yes, our own words wield significant power over us. We need to pay attention to that.

“But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.” Matthew 15:18

If this is not the marriage you want, then make a conscious effort to STOP bashing your husband to your girlfriends and others. Take the matter to God and then, as He directs you, take it to your husband. For many of us, that’s all we really need to do. No more.

For more encouragement, check out 7 Biblical Tips for Resolving Conflict in Marriage.

2. To Honor Our Husbands

You are a trusted pair of eyes into your husband’s most private life. If you don’t speak well of him, how can other respect him? We dishonor and discredit our husbands when ill words and “poor me’s” are what readily flow from our mouths.

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman?

Proverbs 31:10-12, 23

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life…

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Is there any doubt that she speaks highly of her man? He has full confidence in her. She brings him good, not harm. He’s respected at the city gate.

What a blessing she is to him! You can be that to your husband. How lucky he would count himself if you repeatedly and graciously forgave and overlooked his offenses against you. What a ruby you would be in his life.

Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”

3. To Bless Our Children

You do know your children are watching you at all times, right? They hear you, even if you’re not talking to them directly. They feel the impact your words have as others develop a negative impression of your marriage and lose respect for their dad.

I am so thankful for my own mom’s example in this. I have never… not once… heard her speak a word against my dad. I know this was a conscious decision, because we all get frustrated at times, and she never wavered in it. She is quick to praise him, and always has been.

You know what? I learned that from her. I’m not as perfect perhaps, but my instinct is life-giving praises, not life-sucking grumbles. I’m blessed by her influence because it allows my own marriage to thrive.

Proverbs 14:1 “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”

4. To Obey and Please God

Do you realize that God loves this man more than you do?

And do you realize the great extent of your own shortcomings before God? Yet He offers you and me grace. We honor Him when we do the same for others. And who gives us more opportunities to show grace than our husbands?

In fact, in light of our own standing before God, this offering of grace is the absolute least we can and should do.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:29-32

For more encouragement, check out A Call to Selfless Serving in Marriage: Keeping an Eye on Eternity.

Let me challenge you to make a change THIS WEEK. Tie a string around your finger and resolve to intentionally speak well of your husband for the next seven days, not in flattery, but sincerely, focusing on his strengths and choosing to swallow the rest.

Guest Post Author:

Katie is a young-ish, stay-at-home mom of two adorably-fun little ones (with another on the way), and I live a life devoted to Jesus. I love to write, and I focus my energy on living simply and well. I blog at Embracing a Simpler Life where I write about eternal perspective, being a wife and mama for the glory of God, and simple, intentional living. Come check it out!