Fighting for Your Marriage When It's Over

When my marriage first went on the rocks, several people in my life encouraged me to fight. They prayed with me, for me, and over my relationship. I was given meals, Scriptures, and books to help as I walked through that hard season of life. So I fought. I read the books, I prayed, I fasted, and I went to counseling.

Nothing changed.

I prayed some more, sought wise counsel, and tried to do all the things that I thought a good wife was supposed to do.

Nothing changed.

I remember sitting at home one night asking God why! I couldn’t understand why my marriage was imploding. I couldn’t understand why I was being encouraged to fight for something and someone that clearly didn’t want to be with me. The journey had been long and difficult and I was exhausted. But God continued to tell me to fight.

So I dug deeper. I prayed more and I read every Scripture that I could find on marriage. I really had a hunger to know and understand God’s design for a family and the way that a godly marriage was supposed to work. The more that I learned, the more that I wanted to learn.

I began to change. It was little things at first, like cooking enough dinner just in case my husband decided to join us for a meal. Then I started praying for him and our marriage in a way that I hadn’t done before. Even when my husband left the home, I continued to fight like God told me to.

And then my divorce was final.

That was a hard day for me. The day before, my boys had asked to go to the beach. And on the way they asked if they could invite their father to come hang out. I agreed and we spent that last day together as a family. We were still broken and hurting. I knew that the next morning I would walk into a courthouse and be declared divorced. When I left the courthouse, I heard a small voice tell me: Keep fighting!

Fighting for Your Marriage When It’s Over

Over the years I was very puzzled by the admonition to keep fighting. It seemed silly to fight for something that was clearly over. How does someone fight for a marriage that ended, while working through the hurt and the pain of divorce?

Keep Your Eyes on God

No matter what your circumstances look like, if you keep your eyes on the Lord He will take care of you. This was very difficult for me at times. I wanted to focus on my hurt and struggles and the pain that I saw my boys going through. It seemed like I was justified in my anger and bitterness. When I learned to keep my eyes on God, I found that it was easier to forgive and it was easier to move forward in hope.

Remember to Keep Your Joy

The key to getting through any difficult circumstance is remaining joyful. Often hard times rob of us our joy as well as our hope. Finding joy as a single mom really changed the way that I looked at my life and how I lived. Joy is not found in your pain or your brokenness. It’s found in knowing that even in those hard and dark moments, God is there with us. He loves us, has a plan for us, and will use our pain to bring us closer to Him and to eventually be a blessing to others.

These two things were really key in helping me walk through the pain of divorce and single parenting. And in the end it was what helped me be ready when I met the man that would be my husband and father of my future children.

Yep, that voice that encouraged me to keep fighting for my marriage knew what was coming. He knew that one day on the other side of all that pain I would meet a man that truly loved me and would help to heal my wounded heart. That we would meet, start a relationship, get married, and start our family in the span of about 6 months.

I thought that God was calling me to fight for that first marriage that wouldn’t be saved. Now I know that he was calling me to fight for the marriage that would take me by surprise a few years down the line.

LaToya is a recovering perfectionist and control freak that loves old movies, good books and strawberry Hagen Daas ice cream. She traded in a law degree to homeschool her children and be home full-time to serve her family. Through trials of divorce, depression, death and more she has learned how to find joy in motherhood and God’s purpose and plan in broken circumstances. As a certified life coach it is LaToya’s desire to encourage and equip other women to do the same on her blog LatoyaEdwards.net